My Kids Aren't That Special
Gifted or special needs seem to be the two educational extremes. What if your child falls into the “grey area?”
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I have two boys.
The oldest, as are many first-born, is an over-achiever and thrives on praise and task completion. The youngest … well, let’s just say he’s got the gift of gab and aspires to be a professional circus clown when he grows up. Focus isn’t his strong suit.
As my oldest has progressed through his elementary school years, my husband and I have often struggled with the fact that he’s not being challenged as much as he could be in school.
He’s pretty smart (in my motherly opinion), but he hasn’t been identified as ‘gifted’ even though some of his classmates are in a special group where they do fun and exciting things.
We’ve never pushed for that label – “gifted.” We don’t put value on that and truly just want him to learn at a pace that’s comfortable to him.
But we also know that he’s not working to the best of his ability because the opportunities just haven’t been offered to him from a school perspective. He’s smart, but maybe not noticeably smart enough.
On whom does this responsibility lie to offer extra support -- school district or parent?
We work with him after school to provide our own challenges -– making him do one or two more pages of math problems or conducting a science experiment with his dad who is also a middle school science teacher.
Several years ago we heard he was taking tests in the hall with a small group of other "smart" children. According to him, it was because they finished so much sooner than the rest of the class. We had to wonder if this was OK in the scheme of things.
Why was he being singled out for being smart in that instance, but not being offered more challenges in other parts of his school day?
Frankly, I was a little upset. Why should my son have to sit in the hall to take a test just because he understands the concepts?
I understand the workload a teacher carries. My husband teaches to all levels of learning abilities. But when he discovers students who are hungry for learning and want more, he gives them more. When he finds a student who is struggling, he thinks of new ways to work with them until they understand.
Our youngest son seems to fall to the opposite end of the spectrum. He appears to have a good handle on the concepts he should know as he enters kindergarten, but he struggles with his emotions and focus.
His preschool teacher suggested that a full-day kindergarten class would benefit him. But after applying for this limited all-day offering, we were told he wasn’t accepted.
His "need" isn’t great enough to be considered. The other children being accepted to that class have bigger needs.
I’m nervous that he, too, will fall into the grey area of not having enough specialness to get the extra help he might actually need.
For our older son, it has been an issue of boredom. For our youngest, I’m concerned he will struggle academically and emotionally because he’s not needy enough to have that special support.
This is all speculation at this time, but after watching my oldest glide through elementary school with no one stepping up to say, “Hey! This kid has some brains. Maybe we can do some extra projects with him,” I have to wonder what's to come for our little guy.
And then I realize how many other children fall into the gray area. Does yours?
Rasterone
9:42 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Last time I taught was long long ago in a university setting and that's not relevant to anything .
But from at least two broad studies where I bothered to read excerpts the single factor that really does count in academic outcomes is the role of the parent or more precisely the role of the mother ( not dads even close) and both studies one way or another zeroed in on reading, books and moms involvement in reading.
You seem to be doing something 'right" --keep at it. From my outside view the schools are very disproportionately focused on avoiding (test) failures --so an OK kid is not a problem kid and he or she is carried along in the flow and if they graduate and go to Tumbleweed College that's counted as a success. You are the key to making the difference Need lots more parents like you!!
Crestor Januvia
2:09 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
hahahahaahahahahaah. Moms are key and dads not even close. Oh God... I just crapped myself on that one. What a stupid generalization. But this ones OK because it suggests men don't matter.
John Fox
2:51 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
@ Crestor
Sadly You are right, if someone were to say something to the opposite effect, that the dads matter and the moms do not. the author would be publicly slammed for being sexist.
rolex sub
3:33 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
interesting. Can you share links? I'm wondering if a private school (e.g. Moravian) is better than the NASD. If moms are more important than even type of school, that's telling.
Crestor Januvia
3:53 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Come on... any involved parent is important. The results of that survey were probably skewed by homes with no father.
Also, and involved parent, that finds items that entend and enrich their kids mental development is FAR more valueable than a private school. But his does not mean just reading to your kids. That is great when they are 4. You have to find addional stuff to stimulate them when they are 8, 12, 16, etc. AND NOT JUST SPORTS. Egads... people will spend $300 on an aluminum bat, but won't spring for something really neat like $300 worth of lego mindstorms.
Jenae Holtzhafer
10:43 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
That's very kind of you, Rasterone. We definitely value our role in our children's education. It's sad for the other kids who also fall into the middle whose parents rely solely on the teachers to do the teaching.
Sara
1:29 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Don't be afriad to ask the teacher for something extra. It doesn't have to be a project or anything for them to grade, just something for your son to do that is fun. I suggest puzzles, especially word and number puzzles. The teacher should have some kind of suggestion.
slyfox
2:01 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
The title of this article should be: My kids ARE that special.
They sound it to me! Good for you & keep up the good work. You'll know what to do when you have to.
Crestor Januvia
2:06 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
if you think your kid is gifted, as for the tests to be administered. They have to give it to your kid if you ask. Not challenged? That's your job. Does he have his own laptop yet? Did you buy him something like Lego Mindstorms? Have you gone to a site like Edmund Scientifics and looked at the tons of wonderful learning kits? Do you watch the show on TV that shows how things are made? Did you buy him a digital camera and Photoshop Elements and teach him how to take pictures and make them look better on the computer? Did you buy him a model kit like "The Visible Man" and build it and talk to him about anatomy.. which could lead to a simple anatomy book from the store. Do you build and fly Estes Rockets? How about buying an RC car that you have to build? How about a simple RC coaxial blade helicopter... play with it then go online and learn how helicopters fly.... how about the great kits called "White Wings" where you build really cool cardboard airplanes. Ever sit down and show him how a spreadsheet works on a computer... how you can do math? How about a scientific calculator that he can play with and do math? NOTHING is over a kids head if you help them with it.
Most parents spend their time with their kids draggin them around to all sorts of youth sports crap, rather than spending the time doing what I just listed.
I suggest a trip to HobbyTown USA in Whitehall... across from Toys R Us. TONS OF great learning fun stuff.
ITS YOUR JOB, NOT THE SCHOOLS !!
Jenae Holtzhafer
3:19 pm on Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thanks for all of these great ideas! We definitely do a lot with our boys at home (Legos, educational games, How It's Made (they love this - even my five-year-old)), but you offer some very interesting activities. Hobby Town is a great place!
And I agree - sports offer a certain value, but experimenting and spending one-on-one time working on projects is also extremely valuable, not only educationally, but in building a parent-child bond that will be everlasting.
ecyr
7:02 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Don't generalize, that's crazy. its the concerned parent or caretaker who makes kids individuals, who sees the spark. It's always been the parents responsibility to notice what makes their kids individuals and special.
Kierstin Carreira
7:14 am on Thursday, August 23, 2012
I personally don't like the labels of gifted or not gifted and I believe all of our kids are special in some way. There is a lot more to this discussion than how are children are labeled. Kids mature and learn at different paces. One child may be very ahead in math in second grade but then even out by 4th. If you label that child as "gifted" in second grade, what happens when he is no longer labeled as such when the others catch up in fourth? I believe it is up to us as parent to work with our teachers and our schools to do what we feel is best for our children. I personally took my child out of our neighborhood school because I wanted my children actually learning about things, not tests, but that was my choice and I am forever thankful that I did, it has worked very well for my family. If this is not a choice you want to make then yes, you will have to work hard outside of the school setting to enrich them, it is your job as a parent. I also believe that the teacher should be taking every child's needs into account. With class sizes being what they are in the traditional school setting, this becomes very difficult, but not impossible.
tracystough
9:56 am on Friday, August 24, 2012
very well put Kierstin:)
Joel Shimer
9:56 am on Thursday, August 23, 2012
Some of the same reasons why I don't miss Lincoln AT ALL! Wait until they get to Middle school....In my opinion its SO much better there. Your kids will also like that they can choose to be in the "Honors" class, or the "On Level" class. And Jenae, if you ever need info on teachers at Lincoln, we have ALOT to talk about:)
Victoria
10:53 am on Thursday, August 23, 2012
My children are Swain School educated, no problems and exceptional learning, they will attend Central Catholic in Allentown for 9-12
Rosemary B
12:45 pm on Thursday, August 23, 2012
school choice is the way to go! One size does not fit all.